Juggling School, Life, and Spiritual growth!

To be honest, my spiritual growth took a nosedive when I got into medical school. It was not that I was completely overwhelmed or with no time to do it; I think it was a combination of many things; all of which we will discuss here.

First, I was far away from my people.

You know them.

The ones whose spiritual clocks beat like yours.

The ones who you know will be at prayer meetings every week without fail.

The ones whose commitment mirrors yours to the letter.

The ones who inspire you to be better.

I left my people behind and traveled thousands of miles away, and in the process, I left my routine behind as well.

Second, I also realized that leaving home and going to medical school exposed me to the world and left me with nagging questions about my faith that had never really been answered to my satisfaction. Many of these questions left me downright mad. Especially when reading through the early book of the Bible and the things it seemed God was ok with. E.g, the treatment of women and their worth in Bible days, healing and how haphazardly it seems to be distributed, consequences of sin back then and the harshness of it all, the singling out of the sin of homosexuality by the church, the seeming hatred/ strong dislike for the people who practiced Christianity by the church, while welcoming those who lie, cheat, and commit other sins that are not readily visible. Questions like these fueled my spiritual nosedive and it took a while to come back into cruise mode.

Third, I am a creature of habit. I tend to succeed when I do the same thing, the same way around the same time every day. Switching things up for me usually means not getting things done.

Being at medical school switched things up for me to put it lightly, so my carefully crafted time with God was not getting done.

Thankfully, I was able to get through medical school with somewhat of a spiritual life because I worked on getting a routine back. I found myself a new set of people. I served in our small fellowship and by doing that, I exposed myself to similar things that fired me up the same way I was when back home.

I also took off the pressure of a particular devotion structure from my life. I started with what I could do, even if it was 5 minutes of prayer and no Bible reading. That soon became 10 minutes of prayer with one Bible verse. Or one soul-wrenching worship song that I know gingers me to pray today, and 2 songs tomorrow.

The days I forgot to pray or spend time with God, I refused to beat myself up about it, but will sometimes say a quick prayer wherever I was.

I listened to a lot of sermons that were interesting to me. I love the topics of finances and relationships, so I listened to Godly teachers on those topics. They may not sound very spiritual, but that was my way of spending time hearing about these topics from the angle of scripture. My word, I listened to a ton of those videos on YouTube and still do.

I also searched for answers to some of my burning questions. I followed people who knew more about those topics than I did. I looked up videos explaining some of them.

I still have burning questions about my faith, but I know God is not afraid of them. He is willing to explain things to me as much as I am willing to listen.

In the midst of the chaos that was my life, I learned something very important about myself. It was during this time of not pressuring myself to be the perfect Christian that I stopped being legalistic. You know, when you place an unhealthy focus on works and not on grace.

Being legalistic was something I was very good at. I had always been a “good girl” since I was a child. I prided myself on not getting into trouble, following rules to the T, being on time, doing what I said I would do, being honest, etc. All these things are great. Although in my case, at the back of my mind, I always thought that I was better than the average person. I know. Such immaturity. I found it hard to forgive wrongdoings and to wrap my mind around a God who would love the people who were not even trying; as opposed to me who was doing my very best to live right.

Failing at spiritual growth as a student really opened my eyes to the grace of God and what that really means. It meant that I could go 2 weeks without reading my Bible and when I returned my father would open his arms wide to receive me back. I would have missed out on daily communication with Him, but His love was never in question.

I can’t say that I have completely gotten out of my funk, even now, in residency. But I deal with it by finding my people wherever I go and letting them encourage me. I do this by serving in whatever church I find myself in. I don’t easily make friends, and serving is the most trusted way I have found to make meaningful relationships as an introvert.

I take it one day at a time, one verse at a time, one chapter at a time. Never losing hope that I am growing spiritually, albeit very slowly most of the time.

It is honestly still a big struggle for me, and a daily one at that. I am yet to reattain the same amount of time I spent with God before my life became so chaotic. But I can say that I sincerely believe that my 5, 10, or 15-minute efforts are steps in the right direction that I have to consciously decide to take every day.

My life will never get less busy than it is right now, so spiritual growth has to be a constant priority for it to make sense at all. I also have to get used to picking myself up after falling behind. I must never get tired of returning to that Youversion plan that has ever-increasing “missed days” that I can never seem to catch up on. I know most of you understand what I mean. I must never get tired of trying again.

God is looking for consistency and a heart that longs for Him. Prioritizing talking to him and reading his word is a sign of consistency, no matter the ups and downs that we encounter along the way. Talk to God today and ask for grace.

That is the only way to make it through.